Happy New Year

It’s always a mildly annoying time of year when everybody starts mailing it in between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Every television station and news agency puts together retrospectives and top ten lists of the past year. They all wax nostalgic about the year that was and the great memories that we’re leaving behind as we make our way into a new one. Every other year I was somewhat into it. This year, I feel a little differently.

(Ahem) Fuck 2009.

Yeah, I said it. Fuck 2009. I sat down to make a list of the best things of 2009 (yeah, I know I was just bitching about lists, but they’re so easy). This is how far I got:
1. Captain Sully landing in the Hudson
2. Michael Jackson’s death

That was it. It was a bullshit year that was filled with depression, both personal and economic. Barack Obama taking office was a momentary well of inspiration and then…nothing. Oh, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. And then committed more troops to Afghanistan. You’re welcome for my vote by the way. You’re making me look like a real asshole.

I wish I could go back in time to when the little 2009 New Year’s baby was born. He would be all cute in his little cloth diaper, sash, and top hat. He would be brimming with enthusiasm and hope for the year ahead. And then I would pistol whip that little bastard into submission, put him in a closet under the stairs, and skip his year all together.

That little bitch tried to bury us all. I guess the operative word is “tried.” Baby 2009 tried to make us all unemployed…and failed. He wanted to see us all homeless and hopeless. Baby 2009 even tried to kill two people I love with cancer…and failed miserably. Then, right before he was supposed to leave he pops up and tries to take a plane down in a terrorist plot. John McClane is easier to kill than this little prick.

I for one cannot wait for 2010, if for no other reason than this: It can’t be worse than the year before. Yeah, not the most inspirational motto but you can’t always end strong. Sometimes you just need to limp across the finish line and look forward to the next race. Here’s hoping we all come out of the gate strong on Friday.