Seeing as it is Friday, it seems like as good a time as any to ask you. I've been working up the courage to write this for a while, so here goes: You and I should get together for dinner this weekend.
I have decided to include a graph, since you seem to love graphs:
Bar graph
(X axis: Times I've asked out ESPN personalities this week.)
(Y axis: Michelle Beadle, Hannah Storm, Sage Steele, John Buccigross)
Beadle is at 1. Everybody else is at zero.
This was just your run-of-the-mill crush until I heard you on Bill Simmon's podcast. Yeah, yeah, the sports talk was great, but you also dropped this gem: "I'm not a huge believer in the whole institution. The marriage thing to me is a very bizarre ritual." Ironically, I've never wanted to marry a woman more than I did at that moment. And I've never wanted to make out with a girl on a tractor more than this moment:
Bill Simmons: Where have been the locations that Beadle has lived since college?
Michelle Beadle: Oh, well Oklahoma. Elk city to be specific.
Bill Simmons: Really?
Michelle Beadle: I was quote, unquote engaged to a professional bull rider.
Wow. I can be your new cowboy, Michelle. At a bar in Springfield once I rode the mechanical bull for the full eight seconds and got some really impressive distance on the dismount. However, I might not even have to go that route since you did say, "Don't get me started because I'm gonna say something, Bill, and I'm a woman. Hockey dudes, there's something there."
Lucky for you, I played high school hockey at the Division 3 level less than a decade ago. I'll dust the skates off if that'll help my chances. So, let's drop this puck, Michelle. I will treat you to a meal at the finest dining establishment in Bristol, CT (which I would imagine is probably a Chili's). Ball's in your court, Beadle.
Sincerely,
Tim
PS. If the date goes well, can I play with your touch screen?
I would let Hannah Storm cut me with her jaw line....
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