Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz? (Four is the new magic number: Part II)

Girls, it's only fair we give guys the same treatment you got yesterday. So, here it is: The guide to guys put in terms you'll understand. The metaphor today? Chick cars. You know them. The kind of car that guys have to look inside and see who's driving because 98% of the time it's an attractive girl. Girls, if you drive one of these cars, you're either hot or disappointing men at stoplights constantly.

   

Make: Volkswagen Model: Beetle

He's more cute than hot. He is a little offbeat but that makes him special, right? Right? Sometimes people think he's gay and you even have to wonder a little. But he's considerate and unique, even if he does try a little too hard sometimes. His displays of affection are nice but they're a bit superfluous and awkward at times. Like having a place to put flowers in your car. Not for everyone, but appealing to a certain kind of girl.

Make: Acura Model: Any (Mostly the RSX)
He's almost as good looking as he thinks he is. The problem is he thinks this is enough to make him interesting. It's not. But an Acura is just as good as an Audi or Mercedes, you say. No, no it's not. And you and him wishing that were true will not make it so. He looks good and maintenance is relatively low so you decide to keep him until he acts up. You're not exactly rifling through AutoTrader late at night looking for a trade in per se, but if a car commercial comes on you definitely take a look.

Make: Volkswagen  Model: Jetta or Make: Dodge Model: Neon
This is a good, not great, guy. His maintenance is lower than the Acura but lacks the high-end, name brand recognition. This guy will mildly impress your friends and you wouldn't be embarrassed to drive him home to Mom and Dad. He won't leave you stranded on the side of the road but he doesn't exactly blow your skirt up either. This guy (though reliable and kind of fun) is a dime a dozen. You're gonna drive him until the wheels fall off. But when they do, you're not gonna be all that sad to see him off to the junk yard.

Make: BMW Model: 3 Series convertible (white with contrasting black top) or

Make: Land Rover  Model: Range Rover Sport (White)  
They're hot. They know it. You know it. So hot in fact, you expect there to be nothing under the hood. Oh, but sometimes there is. This guy might have a V8 supercharged with a good education, dynamite job (though not necessarily high paying), and great family. Then again, they could have a V6 that's in desperate need of an oil change. Either way they're fun to be seen in, but they're not easy to get or keep. Make sure you keep up regular maintenance (blowies) because these can be an absolute bitch to fix or replace. Worth the effort though.

There you go, girls. Carfax for the male mind. You're welcome. Oh, and guys? If you drive any of these cars, you can go ahead and forget about any girl taking you for a spin*.

*Just to be clear, we're talking about sex. If you didn't get this, you're a moped. Enjoy celibacy.